No Good in Goodbye.

If there's one thing I'm sure of in life, It's this, I am not sure of ANYTHING. My fatal flaw in life is that I always thing I'm sure.. But then when I follow through I'm left with nothing. I did something stupid. Something I probably can't fix. I let the one person I needed in my life go. At first I felt relief, I had finally made a decision and implemented it.. Then I felt the whole "I'm better off without you anyway." mentality... Clearly, that mentality was completely false. The worst part of this whole deal is even if I could fix it, I know that I shouldn't. This person is in fact, better off without ME... And that one earth crushing fact, is the one thing keeping me from packing a bag, jumping in the car and driving to a different state to resolve things..But here I am, it's 5 AM, and for the 3rd week in a row, I haven't had a good nights rest all week. My life has consisted of this; Make coffee, Shower, Get Dressed, Drive to Work, Attempt to lose myself in my work, Come home, Try not to think about it, Think about it, Decline any offers to leave my bedroom for the chance at a social life,Force myself to eat even though the thought of eating makes me nauseous, lay in bed all night thinking about this person, Stare at my phone for hours, Look at old pics, Listen to old Voicemails they left, Stare at the ceiling hoping sleep will come, Morning happens... and Repeat. It's like there's this giant void.. And sure, I have an awesome boyfriend, who does everything to try and fix me, and occassionally it works temporarily, but the truth is... I miss my best friend. I'm nothing without them. I'd like to think that they would read this and call me and everything would be okay again.. Though I know the chances of that happening are 1 in 1,000.. All I can really do is wait.. And hope that time will heal the self-inflicted wounds that are taking over my exisitence. I've always been taught to look for the good in goodbye.. But, truthfully.. the good seems like its non-existant in this case.