Reason One: The Ex.

Moving here started out as a grand gesture to prove myself to a man I thought I'd love forever. He was moving to Cedar City for school, which was only 45 mins away from St. George. We had been dating for what seemed like forever. But he started to make me feel insecure, like I was in constant competition with his "Best Friend". They worked together, and she was everything, smart, pretty, skinny, rebellious, everything he wanted. And then there was me, plain, out of shape, scared to take risks, boring. So, he dumped me. a week after I had made the official decision to move. I had already registered for school, and signed the housing contract, so, there was no backing out. I was dead set on dating nobody but him, to prove to him that I was the perfect girl. Looking back at that now, I feel so stupid for thinking it would actually make even the slightest difference in his opinion of me. But damn it, I tried. And for a while, I actually thought it was working. He came to see me the day he moved to Cedar. He made me feel special and like he missed me. We watched a movie, and we all know that that's code for making out. And like the idiot girl I had always been around him, I showed him I loved him by giving him what he wanted. I put out. Thinking this was a game changer, when he left the next morning I felt like things were actually coming together, I knew I was wrong after a week of him not calling or texting me back. I threw myself a pity party for a while, avoided making friends, sat on my ass feeling sorry for myself, and then.. one day it hit me, I didn't need him. So, I made friends. One friend in particular helped me to see that I was being the same old pathetic girl I had always been. So. One step at a time I decided to change that. I started socializing, meeting new people. After about a month of him still not talking to me he texted me "Hey beautiful, I miss you." Seriously? he missed me? after a month of not so much as a "Hey, how are you?" So, I sent him a text. A game changer. "I'm done. I wish you would just disappear." He didn't respond. I went through the rest of my day feeling successful, like I had really stuck it to him. But, of course, Karma, knowing I still had a soft spot for him, decided that would not be the end of it. Later that night, I got a text from his sister telling me that he had been in a serious motorcycle accident and was being life-flighted to vegas.. I was crushed, and terrified.. Had I caused this? was he actually going to take my unintentional advice and "disappear?" Shit. I had tempted fate, and it looked me in the eyes and said "Challenge Accepted, Bitch, prepare to have your ass handed to you." and naturally, because I was still hopelessly devoted to this guy, I spent the next few weeks at his beck and call, thinking that maybe, just maybe, this was fate telling us that we were meant to be. But, after traveling back and forth between Provo and St. George every weekend for an entire month, to take care of him, get him water, help him to the bathroom, basically being his slave, he decided to kick my heart in the figurative balls and tell me that, and I quote "There are things in you I find completely unattractive, and there's no way I could ever love you again." I was devestated, I drove home completely shattered that night. The second I got back, I burned all of his pictures, letters, and put all of the other stupid stuff he gave me in a box under my bed. Out of sight, out of mind. There was no way I was gonna let this dumbass get the best of me.